The Key Message Here Is: Men And Women Empower One Another When They Understand How To Talk Effectively And How To Motivate Their Partners
But what happens if men and women fail to meet each others needs? Well, they can lose the motivation to work on their relationship. For men, this happens when they no longer feel trusted. Women can feel the same when they give support without receiving enough in return.
A man may not give enough because he worries that his partner will disapprove he fears rejection. In fact, he needs to listen to the woman and do small things that show how he cherishes her. This knowledge can help him overcome his fears.
The woman, on the other hand, can practice being more forgiving. When she shows appreciation for things that her partner already does, hell be encouraged to give more.
Men and women can also learn to understand each others communication styles. For example, men can learn not to take hyperbolic expressions of feeling so literally. A statement like We never go out may sound like an accusation. A man might respond combatively to this, thinking that his partner is disappointed in him. In reality, of course, she just wants to go out and do something fun together.
In addition, women can practice expressing appreciation for the ways in which their partnersare fulfilling them. It also helps to remember that it can be normal for a man to become silent and withdrawn. This is not a sign that he no longer cares. Instead, he may simply be retreating into his Martian cave. And he, too, can use four magic words: I will be back.
Learn To Show Appreciation
So much of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is about the differences between men and women, but there is one big similarity between men and women in relationshipsshowing understanding is key.
Men and women are different. They are different physically, biologically, emotionally, almost in every way. Yet, the reason so many of these relationships can work out, in the end, is because these differences provide a balance. You just need to find that balance.
Keeping The Magic Of Love Alive
John Gray says that theres a conundrum in love.
The more we feel in love and safe, the more turbulences of the past can surface as our minds let go.Wade through them: theyre only a sign that your relationship is great.
The author says that love changes over time.The bliss of the beginning does not last forever and our normal faults emerge for what they are.But by sticking through the highs and lows the initial bliss becomes a more mature form of love which gets stronger as the years go by.
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Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
Men and women have different emotional needs, and providing our partner with our emotional needs will not necessarily fulfill our partner.
Men look for: trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragementWomen look for: caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance
Top 3 mistakes women make in relation to mens needs:
Top 3 mistakes men make in relation to womens needs:
John Gray says theres a knight in shiny armor in every man and a girl looking for a knight in shiny armor in every woman. And they can find each other.
Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus Review
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus addresses some of the most common relationship problems couples experience. It highlights the key differences between men and women in how they think, act, and communicate. Therefore, it is a good guide, but dont take this book as absolute truth. Every individual is unique and some may not fall into these patterns. That said, the book provides solid examples and aha moments in your quest to figure out the opposite gender.
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Early Life And Education
Gray was born in , Texas, in 1951 to a father who was an oil executive and a mother who worked at a spiritual bookshop, and grew up with five brothers. His parents were both and taught him and took him to visit during his childhood. inspired him greatly later in life.
He received a bachelor’s and master’s degree in the , though sources vary on whether these degrees were received from either the non-accredited in Switzerland or the accredited in .
Gray received an unaccredited PhD in 1982 from , a now-defunct institution located in , upon completion of a and an honorary doctorate from in Illinois after he delivered their commencement address in 2002.
Chapter Twelve: How To Ask For Support And Get It
Men love to do things which are appreciated, and hate to do things which are demanded. Criticising him or giving excessive instructions will make him feel more like a slave than a loved and trusted partner.
Men love to prove their worth through the things they do, but they generally wait to be asked, and take a long time to learn to offer their services unsolicited. Women should therefore control their expectations of men being able to anticipate their needs, ask for help without making it sound like a demand because they resent the need to do so, and appreciate the help they receive even though it needed to be requested first.
Women should avoid requesting help from a man in a way which either doesnt sound like a clear request, or carries implicit criticism that he should have already done it. Questions which begin with the words Could you or Can you are often interpreted by men as questioning their abilities, and they therefore respond more positively to the same questions if they begin instead with Would you or Will you. The difference may seem tiny, but it can feel as different as the man saying No I cant or No I wont in response to the request.
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Scoring Points With The Opposite Sex
She Must Appreciate Him For What He Gives
John Gray says women give unconditionally and proactively.
Love for women means anticipating someones needs and they dont stop giving.Men only give when they feel that their efforts will be appreciated and often are not good at guessing when its time to give unless they are specifically asked.And they tend to stop giving when they feel they have done their part.
When it comes to giving, men value results while women appreciate more the thoughts that come with it.So women appreciate lots of little gifts while men tend to value the big gifts more.
When men and women fail to understand these dynamics, the relationship can easily sour.
When the woman does not appreciate the man giving he may stop giving altogether while she continues to give unconditionally expecting to eventually get something back.However, as she gets nothing back, she starts feeling unloved and grows resentful.
To help meet each others needs, men should give in many little ways without being asked and learn that if their partner does not ask doesnt mean shes happy.
Women, on the other hand, should talk clearly if they are not happy and should reduce their own giving -or even ask things back- and never forget to appreciate him.
Heres a simple one for women: thank you for listening.
With men giving and her appreciating, both will gain.
Chapter Ten: Scoring Points With The Opposite Sex
Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated women feel loved according to what they receive. For women, loving someone means knowing and attending to their needs without waiting to be asked, and so a loved person should never have to ask for anything as their needs ought to be anticipated ahead of time. So women give unconditionally, and proactively seek ways to help others, whereas men only give when they feel that their efforts will be fairly appreciated and rewarded, and often will not know how or what to give without being specifically asked.
Men often quickly suspend giving when feeling pleased about having done something women may only suspend giving when feeling displeased with their partners for doing nothing.
Men value results for women its the thought that counts. Consequently, men value big things much more than do women, who feel more appreciated by receiving lots of little gifts instead. A woman may consider a bunch of flowers to be just as good a proof of love as an entire month of hard work towards paying the bills.
If men and women do not take account of these different perspectives, they may fail to give their partners what they actually want. When this occurs, the man will frequently suspend giving as he feels he is not receiving enough reward back for what he has given, but the woman will continue to give unconditionally even though she feels she is giving more and has started to feel unloved, unappreciated and resentful.
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Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus Summary
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
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Chapter Four: How To Motivate The Opposite Sex
A man’s instinct is to look after himself, even if it means sacrificing others a woman’s instinct is to look after others, even if it means sacrificing herself. In a relationship, a man has to learn how to care for his partner rather than sacrificing her needs in favour of his own, and a woman has to learn how to be cared for by her partner rather than sacrificing her own needs in favour of his, so that the needs of both are met. If they do this successfully, both win, unlike their instinctive behaviours where one person gains from anothers loss. This has to be worked at, because if either partner feels their efforts towards the relationship are not being successful in pleasing their partner, they may feel hurt and decide to revert to their instinctive behaviour. Unfortunately this then causes the other partner to do the same, and the relationship unravels inexorably.
In a relationship, a man needs to feel that his attentions are needed, and a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended. To achieve this, a man has to express his desire to fulfil her needs and her worthiness to receive his care, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and his worthiness to fulfil her needs.
Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.
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Are Men From Mars And Women From Venus
In discussions and scientific research alike, youre almost forced to explain whether youve taken into account male-female differences. The Persuasive Communication blog at Radboud University takes a critical look at these differences.
Everyone knows the saying men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It refers to the fundamental differences between the two sexes. But the question is: to what extent is this true? Are men and women really that different or do they just behave differently? In other words: are the building blocks that make up men and women truly different, or do other factors trigger certain behavioural differences between men and women? For years, people have thought the former was true. Lately, however, there are more reasons to assume there are more similarities than differences in the building blocks of men and women.
Where Communication Falls Short
Both the man and the woman may feel as though they are doing everything they can to show their love and that they are giving love the way they want to receive it. However, the opposing party may not recognize this, and may actually think that their partner isnt showing love at all.
This is one tip that both men and women should keep in the back of their minds as they continue to take John Grays relationship advice, as many communication disconnects actually stem from this one major issue.
If both parties can understand that the other partner simply has a different interpretation of what it means to show and give love, they can move forward.
And on top of all of this, everyone has a different love language.
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Chapter 1: How To Offer And Receive Help
Men prefer to do things that are praised rather than things that are ordered by others. Criticizing or teaching too much will make them feel like a servant, not a trustworthy man.
Men want to prove themselves by the things they do, but they won’t do it unless asked. Women need to learn how to offer men help, not demands, and don’t make them feel forced to do it. And appreciate the help from men even if you are the one who has to speak first to receive it. Even if you know men will refuse to help, just ask and be generous with the refusal, they will remember that and will be more willing to help next time.
It’s best to let men decide for themselves how and when they will work. If they grumble about your request that’s a good sign, they’ve started considering it instead of dismissing it. Just patiently wait for them to finish nagging and you will have an answer.
Solution: When you ask a man for something, say it directly and briefly, opening with âWill you..?â and remember to keep quiet after the offer to give them time to consider.
Men Are Mars Women Venus
Synopsis : Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love and lived happily because they respected and accepted all differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia happened: They forgot that they were from different planets.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a book that has helped millions of couples change their relationships, help men and women realize how different they are, how to express their needs. themselves in ways that do not cause conflict and whereby attachment has a chance to develop.
âGender differences are often most apparent after you enter into a close relationship, have children together, or are under a lot of stress.â
Who should read this book : A book for couples who are in love, married or have children couples who are feeling stuck in their relationship because of unnecessary conflicts people who are yearning to understand their husbands and wives as well as their children.
: Dr. John Gray is an internationally recognized expert in the field of communication and relationships. He is a family psychologist , a consultant editor of the Family Journal member of the Excellence Advisory Board of the International Association on Marriage and Family Member of the American Association of Consultants.
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How To Make Communication Work
John Gray goes on to suggest the following scenario:
- The woman gives the man three options of what she wants to do on a date, a week in advance.
- The man gets to decide but doesnt tell the woman until the date happens.
- This allows the woman to anticipate the date all week, while the man gets to feel as though he made a decision, while still receiving clear communication on what types of dates the woman wanted to go on.
It may sound like a lot of work, but the key is to start with direct communication on the womans part. It can open up new doorways to successful interaction that both parties may have never thought were possible.
Men And Women Have Different Emotional Needs And Score Relationship Points In Different Ways
At different times in our lives, we all need different kinds of love. But do we always recognize what sort our partner needs most?
Relationships become easier when couples understand each others six primary love needs. The author offers a list. For men, these needs are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women, for their part, need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, and validation.
These primary love needs work together. One encourages another. Take caring and trust, for example.A woman needs a man to care about her feelings sincerely. When he does, she feels that she can trust him.
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Chapter : How To Motivate The Opposite Sex
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed, women are motivated and ready to act when they feel loved.
Usually men only focus on their own needs and women only care about the wishes of others. Women give too much but are afraid to receive back because they feel unloved. Likewise, men are afraid to give because they don’t want to feel like a failure.
Solution: Women need to set limits on giving, they must know that they are worthy of love and have the right to refuse sacrifices beyond the limit. Men need to know how to accept mistakes and failures.
